Anxiety

Anxious, anxious, anxious. These are the pits that I feel like my stomach is about to fall, my breathing staggers. I can't find any way to relax. It seems that my soul really can't find rest. Maybe its just my physical body thats anxious. I don't think so. I shouldn't be anxious if I have the Lord. I don't really understand. I beg for peace all the time. I don't easily trust or believe that God can take care of it. I feel like I haven't laughed so hard in a really long time. I also have not posted something on this for a very long time. I could say I'm sorry a bunch of times. I feel as though I'm breaking God's heart every time I say I'll post something but I don't. I honestly just can't take it. I can't sleep when I feel anxious. I really just can't handle it and I feel like its overtaking me. Everyone wants peace, so does this girl. Help me to trust and believe, Lord. 

Swarm

Kind of a gross post but something that hit me quite a while back that I have been honestly too lazy to share. 

So, around different times of the year, when the weather gets warmer or rainy, giant flying ants begin to invade the household. These flying ants that enter my house are usually on the brink of their lives, kind of sad. Their attraction to light allows them to get stuck inside the lamp shades. I know I said flying but by the time they get into the shade, their wings are too weak to help them out. It's extremely gross, but theres a whole landing of dead flying ants on the bottom of the lampshade. I love this photo because it looks really cool but when I think about it, it reminds me about how I constantly fall into sin. The lamp shade holds dead flying ants, yet more flying ants keep entering in. There are some sins that just continuously haunt me, just like the attraction to the light, some sins I fall back into just look so attractive but are so destructive. I tend to fall back into them, thinking that I'd be able to get out but just like the flying ant, I can't. These are the times when I know I have to run to God but it's so hard. It's been a constant struggle but I've overcome a sin that has haunted me for so long. His love for me remained constant even when I kept running to these sins. I inevitably will fall back to sin but I need to remember that God has his arms open wide, I just need to drop the sin and turn away from it.