I am yours

"Who Am I" Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours.

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours, I am Yours.

I went to a Christian school from preschool all the way to middle school. Every year they would force us to sing a Christian song for our parents one day out of the year during church. I remember in the fourth grade, the song was Who am I? by Casting Crowns. I had no idea what it meant.

Only eight years later would I be able to understand what this song meant. Today during church, the middle school choir sang this song and I was deeply moved. I have been struggling with my identity lately. I have been allowing myself to be defined by standardized test scores, relationships with people, my clothes, the list goes on. Not until now I would be able to see that I am Gods child, I am his. I am significant to him. All this time, I was trying to find satisfaction in this world. The lyrics in the chorus are so apparent to many Christians who are struggling with finding who God is to them. You are his, he wants you, don't struggle with letting him love you because he simply wants you. I wanted everything but him, now I see that the only thing I need is him. I hope this was encouraging. 

Past

Honestly, I feel like crap. Past sins have been coming back to me, making me feel disgusting, unlovable, unforgivable, and just making me more frustrated than I should be. I know that God forgives and always loves but I just don't feel like that right now. I see myself and I see someone who just wants attention, love and all the material things this world has to offer. My human body craves these things so much. I feel very distant from God because all I have been doing is just thinking about myself. I want to look like I have it all together when in truth, I'm just a broken mess. I haven't poured my heart out to God in a very long time. It seems that when life gets easier, all I want to do is enjoy the moment and not appreciate that God has brought me out of a trial. I know he is there but there are just those times when I cannot see or understand why I am here.